yeah, it’s true. i’m colorblind. it’s something no one ever seems to take seriously either and it drives me nuts. especially due to the fact that people are always trying to play cruel tricks on me. like this one, which i hate more than anything and is the first thing people always say when they find out.
“what color is this?”
you have no idea how much that drives me nuts. if someone told you he was blind would you immediatly hold your hand in front of his face and say “guess how many fingers i’m holding up?” would you throw a basketball at a man with no arms and say “catch!” anyway, nine times out of ten i say the right color anyway which is usually followed up by “you’re not really colorblind!” they always assume that since i’m colorblind it means i can’t see any colors at all, like my whole life takes place in some sort of monotone grayscale universe. well sorry to disappoint but it’s not as entertaining as it sounds. most colors i can see fine. the colors i hae trouble with are colors that have a slight red or green tint. for example, sometimes i have trouble differentiating between certain shades of lime green and orange, or brown and green, or blue and purple, or pink and grey. so then people start asking “oh well what’s it like” and i’m here thinking “how am i supposed to know it’s not like i’ve ever seen things any other way”. i mean really, think about it. so there’s a few colors i have trouble recognizing. all it really means is i have a tendency to wear mismatching colors and i’m unable to get a job doing something where recognizing the difference between certain colors is incredibly important. other than that, there’s nothing great and weird about it. i don’t see people as having bright purple skin with pink polka-dots, and the world is not a grainy black and white movie from the 1920s. that’s all. eskimo bob is blue, not purple. the end.
our meeting at the drive-thru ended at the alter when i married the lady from tim hortons